Wednesday, February 25, 2009

25 Things About Me

I was tagged in a couple of these things on FB and then my sweet cousin mentioned something about me being funny in his... although I know he meant funny weird not funny hahaha... but still I felt compelled to write one of my own.
But after writing it I just didn't quite feel like putting it up on FB for my 164 so called friends to see. And as the crowd here is much smaller, er, I mean less judgemental, I felt safer to put it up here...
...because it took a lot of thought and someone is going to read it dammit!

25 things about me

1. When I was younger and much dorkier... yes there was a time I was EVEN more of a dork then now... my sisters were sharing stories about boys and kissing... feeling left out I cut in with a story of my own... my first mistake was calling the so called boy SIR... it was actually the only mistake as that was where the story ended... because they both broke out in gut wrenching laughter and have never let me live it down. Geez maybe some people just use proper etiquette... ever think of that b-otches... huh? Huh?!!!

2. I own more than 20 pairs of shoes. I am ashamed of this fact.

3. I never really liked teenagers... even when I was one; they made me uncomfortable. Working at a Youth Centre has really cured me of that... I am still not that fond of them but they no longer make me feel uncomfortable... they just mainly annoy the hell out of me! Yes I am in the process of becoming a parent... what... you mean to tell me all children go through that teenage stage?!

4. I really, really love horses... yet I am too cheap to pay to board one of mine out here. (Although I tell myself it is because I don’t want to split them up and I enjoy riding in the mountains!) So I only get to ride when I visit the BC home front.

5. I love food. Just ask someone who knows me well. (And being pregnant gives me a damn good excuse to eat a lot without feeling piggish... it’s great!)

6. When I was in Junior High I tried to steal a pack of gum from a grocery store... once outside, I felt so guilty I re-entered the store and put it back.

7. Yet, as an adult I walked into a movie theatre once without paying... Clayton felt so guilty he paid for me anyhow... and then as punishment gave me the silent treatment. Thankfully the movie filled the silence.

8. I own almost half of my Dad’s small cattle herd in BC. Clayton doesn’t see how this is possible. So I told him... well once, a long time ago Dad gave me a heifer, and then the bull was let out with the cows and well the rest is history. I don’t think that’s the part he didn’t understand.

9. My Mom’s sister married my Dad’s brother. No, this is NOT incest. But it is pretty cool.

10. I try not to swear... too much.

11. Clayton won $1200 in a Superbowl pool and decided to share with me... after I pointed out that when he bought the ticket he used the term: we. To which he replied, “I only used we because I didn’t think I was going to win.” Now I have some money that I want to spend on something fun and I can’t for the life of me think of what! (Probably because I live in a developed country and have absolutely everything I could ever need and want! Such as running water!)

12. I’m always very long winded. Sorry.

13. I can’t wait to be a Mom; it was my future career goal all throughout elementary school. Oh and I love my sisters... and feel the need to apologize for calling them b-otches... it was just for effect. I no longer think that. ;)

14. When I was much younger, and much less smart, my uncles paid me $5 to eat the worm out of a bottle of Mezcal. It was so old it popped and then squirted the inside of my mouth when I bit into it. Such a stupid girl... now... of course... I’d NOT eat a worm for LESS than $20 and I’d swallow it whole!

15. I’ve also eaten an ant... on a dare. It crawled around the inside of my mouth. Either I was lacking the intelligence to think to squash it first or I was dared to eat it live... my memory fails me. (Some may say the fact that; I even took the dare to eat the ant, proves it was lack of intelligence... to these people I only have this to say: I hope you come back as an ant and someone with my level of intelligence eats you!)

16. I want a dog. But not an inside dog. And not while I love in town.

17. Which brings me too this point: I really detest living in town... I don’t care how small a town it is... a town is still a town... your neighbours still stare at you through the fence and there is no room to keep a horse or a milk cow and it is illegal to run around your house naked! (They said something concerning public indecency... ;)

18. It annoys me that sometimes it seems only the well off can afford to buy a place out of town (and not run a full on farm) and then they don’t even get a milk cow or run through the back 40 naked! What a waste!

19. And on the subject of being naked... skinny-dipping is the best way to swim!

20. Yes, to answer your question, I am a BC hippy at heart.

21. My favourite TV show, on our one channel as a child, was Mr. Dress Up. I always ran around the house gathering the items to make the craft he was making.

22. I think I was born a few decades too late... I hate technology. Yet I have a blog. Go figure!

23. I don’t own a cell phone.

24. I have travelled to Japan, Australia, Mexico, Florida and went on a family trip with truck and trailer across Canada all the way to Newfoundland!

25. One of the things on this list is NOT true.

Friday, February 20, 2009

Busy people

I realize that some people are busy. And I also realize that the Health Care industry is basically over-stressed and under-staffed.
BUT...
When the length of a conversation has been increased by YOU and not me... that's YOUR fault NOT mine.
If you're busy, then be efficient and don't answer my question with... well they are over flowing with work and understaffed over there and usually they say the transferal of paperwork will take three business days but right now they are quite behind so I wouldn't count on it arriving within 3 days...
Guess what? I don't really care... all you had to say was: no you're paperwork probably won't have arrived by then.
And then I would know to NOT book my appointment until the following week.
Which I would have went and done if YOU had NOT then proceeded to ask me when my due date was and when was my last appointment and then counted the weeks and come up with the date THAT WE ALREADY discussed... the date when I could expect NOT to have my paperwork there by... the date that I am NOT going to book my appointment.
And then you proceed to say... look you need to pick a date, no offence, but I'm busy.
To which I wish I would have responded... no offence lady but I'M actually busy getting my nails done and then I have to go in for my afternoon massage AND I have been trying to pick a date but you keep wasting my time with over done whinny explanations and counting weeks that I have already counted.

But of course I just felt bad...
...and then proceeded to take it up the ass.
And now, of course, it is eating away at me.

And the last time I booked an appointment the receptionist was SO nice.
Damn busy people!

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Thought of the day...

When I was a toddler my Mother bought me a Tonka truck to prove that girls don’t have to play with only girlie toys. I never touched the thing... in fact it didn’t get used once until Justin, our brother, was born years later. Yes, I am very ashamed of this fact.
I am also ashamed of the countless pictures Mom has of me throwing temper tantrums. Although I'm sure some people would inquire... Why? Has that changed?

Moral: If only you knew as a toddler what would come back later in life and bite you in the ass! (Note: Megan... you really should stop biting babies... well now at least you can't say you're favorite Auntie didn't warn ya!;)

Sunday, February 15, 2009

Valentine's Day

Well I hope you all had a happy Valentine's Day! Mine was really nice actually... lazing around in the morning, some scrap booking and then we headed into the Hat for some shopping, a movie and then we went dancing at Ralph's... a country bar NOT a guy's house... just in case anyone was wondering.

Clayton gave me this cute card:

And, NO, on the inside it does not say horny... like you expect it to... instead it says corny.

After I opened it Clayton reread it again and noticed this:

"Why is the NOT in there? As it leads you to believe the rhyme is horny... why would it suggest that when you're not around... that's when I'm horny? It's like... Happy Valentine's Honey... oh and by the way when you're gone other women make me real horny... Love you."

I guess it's true: nobody says it like Hallmark!

Monday, February 9, 2009

And now you see...

Below is my Uncle's comment from the Prenatal tonight post:

Aunty Ronnie said...
When i had my 16 lb baby,i was just working in the fields, and squatted down, and out it came.I chewed off the umby chord, and went back to work. The hardest part was eatin the afterstuff, as i was'nt really hungry.But there were wolves around,so i had to be carefull.


And now you see... I was predisposition to inherit the weird gene. So really it's NOT my fault! Now if I write something weird or with a little TOO much info we ALL know who to blame... Aunty Ronnie! ;)

Of course the above comment is for all you others out there reading this... I for one couldn't help but laugh out loud as I was reading Aunty Ronnie's comment and as I continued to read down through the first part of Allise's comment the laughter became uncontrollable. Unfortunately... I was at work... and to make matters worse there was a youth in my office... who couldn't help but be curious about what all the laughing was about. And as all quick wit had left me during the laughing out burst... I had no other choice than to read him the comment.
He didn't laugh.
All he said was: GROSS!

Geez some people just don't get funny!

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Prenatal tonight...

Kimberly's Thought of the Day:

Prenatal tonight... last week we learned that 30% of pregnant women's abs (painfully) separate near the end of pregnancy; that sounds like so much fun I just can't wait to see what others joys await us!!! :)

Note: I woke up in a cold sweat after last weeks prenatal... having just dreamt that my abs had painfully separated and were flopping around making it quite awkward to keep baby safely inside... it all was perfectly normal (although painful) and made sense in the dream of course.

Upon awaking, I hysterically relived the dream to Clayton and then cried, "Oh my God I don't want my abs to separate!"

To which he responded, "Calm down, your abs won't separate... that probably happens more to people who aren't in good shape."

Which made me sob, "NO! I googled it and apparently people who have tight ab muscles are MORE prone to have it happen because their abs aren't as soft and pliable and don't stretch as easily as their belly expands!"

To which my lovely husband responded, "Oh, well, you're not in THAT good of shape... it probably happens to women with rock hard abs. You have nothing to worry about... now go back to sleep."

Men! They just always know how to take their foot right out of their mouth and then promptly stick it right back in! ;)

(Although I should also point out: that woken from a dead slumber... I do give him credit for having enough good sense to try and comfort me at least! So thanks honey!)

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Going out ALONE

In college I was given a very colourful, vibrant book called; Succulent Wild Woman, by SARK. I had many 'oh that is so me' moments while reading it and a few 'I should try that' moments. None of the later moments occurred during the 50-60 orgasms a day vibrator story... just to make that clear if some of you have read the book :)... but as I was reading the section about Going out Alone:

"I call them 'captive women.' They never go out without a man or a group of women. If I questioned about going out alone, they make squeamish faces and say: 'I couldn't go out ALONE. It wouldn't be any fun.' Even women who are not like this are shy about going out alone. There is sill a social stigma about being out 'alone' (translation: boring, desperate, nobody likes her). Going out alone is a skill and an art that can be learned, shared and implemented....
...What you can bring along to assist you in being along confidently:
Tools: Something to write in/on or something to read
Attitude: Confidence, curiosity, openness
*Don't worry if you don't feel any of these... just act 'as if'."


I had a sudden urge to step out of my comfort zone and try it! Plus I figured being a bit of A LONEr would fit very nicely into going out ALONE!

So I gathered up my tools and my courage and ventured out ALONE one afternoon to a coffee shop. The first outing I deemed a success... I had went, ordered, drank coffee and read my book. I had went out alone! So yeah I had felt a little awkward at times... so what... I often experienced feelings of awkwardness when going out with friends anyhow... so what was so bad about that. So I chalked it up to a good experience and promised myself I would make it a regular habit.
And I did for a while.
I would gather my things, stand in line... being careful not to bump into anyone or make eye contact, I would order my coffee and snack and head to find a table... carefully selecting a spot off in a quiet corner preferably by an elderly couple deep in conversation, then I would sit and enjoy my coffee and pretend to be totally engrossed in my book... especially if someone walked by or glanced my way, then I would get up as soon as my cup was empty and briskly walk out of the cafe and duck into my truck and think... I did it again... success!

APPARENTLY I had missed this important paragraph in the Going out Alone section:
"...Another useful skill is talking to strangers... striking up a conversation is an art to practice. Some of it involves mild eavesdropping, which we were taught not to do, and most of us do anyways. You simply find people that interest you and find a spot to comment, ask a question or deliver a compliment. Most people are receptive. If not, you'll feel it right away and can busily read or write something as a diversion..."

OH? So... like... I was actually suppose to try and TALK to other HOMOSAPIANS?! Why on Gods green earth would I want to subject myself that??? I have enough trouble trying to make interesting conversation with people I know... and now I am suppose to go up to a complete STRANGER and make an interesting or witty comment that makes them want to hold a conversation with ME!!! It took me MONTHS to even make friends in college people! Having a conversation with a complete stranger in a coffee shop wasn't about to happen!

So if:
1. Being in a social setting makes you feel awkward.
2. Talking socially in a group makes you nervous.
3. Social interactions scare you.
Going out alone will be just that... out and ALONE! Which actually works for us loner types but really isn't the point I gather.

It actually wasn't until a recent social event... after spending most of the evening feeling awkward and out of the loop... that this realization of my coffee shop trips hit me!
YOU are not a social person. Some people are better at being ALONE. YOU are one of these people. And you know what... that is perfectly OK. Now get over it and stop trying to think you should be something you're not!