Tuesday, December 30, 2008

I'm back!

Oh did I mention I was gone?
We spent Christmas week in BC! Had a lovely Christmas as usual. And I'm sure broke a visiting record! Other then short periods of sleep, no word of a lie, there was someone stopping by my parents house for a visit or us popping out for a visit every few hours or so seven days straight!
But that's what Christmas is all about! Oh and of course Dad performing a necessary cattle task while his children are there to suffer the repercussions. (But really what Father wouldn't when certain children still own a combined half of the herd from some long ago innocent little birthday gift... a heifer each! Some of us had a deep desire for brand name clothes and sold out right away... and others had their eye on long term investment... and for some reason one got a steer, I think as a child he wanted a boy as he was a boy... and that is why men get the bad rap of never using their brains, because they seldom do... or maybe he was just the least favorite child! wink wink That otta get Mom going!)
So while some people spend Boxing Day shopping... at Gooch Farms we like to spend it doing an outside family activity... ear tagging and weaning yearling calves. Really... What says Christmas more then spending those long winter holiday nights listening to cattle bawling right outside your bedroom window?!

But now we are back in snow covered (yeah!) Southern Alberta and back to work... for a short while anyhow! Clayton took charge and booked our winter trip... one week in Mexico on the Mayan Riviera! Not quite what I had envisioned us doing... but who knows, the pregnant me can be rather lazy... so maybe I'll prefer to do nothing else other then lay on a beach and get pampered all day! And Scott and Christine are coming with us... I think Clayton twisted their arms or used cheap threats... in such fear that he would end up spending his holiday listening to his pregnant wife scold him for drinking so much and making him get up early and go snorkeling, sight seeing and taking in all the tours... when all he really wanted to do was drink without guilt and lay on a beach all day and relax! So he's bringing along back up. Smart man! Chalk one up to men using their brains! Oh well if the men want to spend their days hung over on the beach... at least us girls can ditch their sorry asses! There's only one hitch to this plan... Christine is one of the very few ladies in the circle of friends who has somehow avoided the pregnancy virus... maybe she'll be laying on the beach sipping strawberry daiquiris with 'em!

Anyhow have a HAPPY NEW YEARS!

See you back on here sometime in 2009!!!

Friday, December 19, 2008

A, B, C, D, DD, E, F...

As you may have guessed... I went bra shopping... and expensive bra shopping at that!
You see I've been having some rather vain thoughts about what the poor girls are going to look like after four kids have got done with them! And I know... I know... there's not a whole lot going to help their post nursing appearance. (But anything has got to be better then the 3 year old lasenza bra I currently wear... everyday signal day.)
Also I actually picked up the Pregnancy Bible the other day and the page fell open right to the breast care section. And when that happens you kind of get the feeling that someone is trying to tell you something! So I read the section and then sat back in my chair ashamed of my current breast care!
So, on the next trip into town, I left the comfort of the mall and found a real bra store downtown. I explained my situation to the lady that greeted me and she ordered me directly into a dressing room and told me to strip.
So I did.
She entered, took one look at my extremely well used blue bra with little white flamingos on it and I'm sure made a silent pray to the breast care gods.
She was only in there for a moment and left muttering... no support, no support what-so-ever.
When she re-entered she held in her hand, what I can only describe as an old ladies bra... and a gigantic one to boot. "Now this might be a little big but give it a try and we'll go from there."
She left and I put the darn thing on. Surprisingly it fit... well it covered ever inch of my chest... but maybe that is how actual none animal decorated bras are suppose to fit?
She re-entered again. "Oh that fits quite nicely." She said as she snugged up the straps. "What do you think?"
"Well it feels like my boobs are way up under my chin and this cup size CANNOT be right... I'm a C cup."
She smiled at me and I swear she almost patted me on the head, "Honey that bra you had on was MUCH too small and your breasts are suppose to sit at your arm pit level."
She left and I honestly thought no way I am paying THAT ridiculous price for THAT old ladies bra.
And then I put my blue flamingo bra back on... and watched my boobs fall about 3 inches towards my waist and all I could think was at this rate even after one kid they'll be down to my belly button!
I was sold!
And I hope the girls are happy because it was the most expensive bra... well piece of clothing for that matter... I have ever bought! (OK that is a bit of an exaggeration... my wedding dress cost slightly more!)

And I have to laugh because I thought Clayton would have a fit when he saw the price tag on my newly acquired undergarment. Thankfully the price was written under the cup size on the tag...
Clayton's eye did almost pop out of his head but instead of what I was expecting he said...
"IS THIS THE CUP SIZE???" And then he did a happy dance.
"Oh honey all bras fit differently." I said as I grabbed the incriminating tag back from him.

But apparently size does matter because the next morning he rolled over in bed and before even rubbing the sleep out of his eyes, inquired...
"So how are my two Es doing this fine morning?!"

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

So who's YOUR Role Model?

So I got this forward via email the other day and I have to say it is amazing!
(Hopefully you haven't seen it yet... or it just won't be as cool!)
Sometimes you wonder how these things work... it's like they can read your brain!
Make sure to follow the instructions and use a calculator you math illiterate people... otherwise you won't be shocked and amazed such as you should be!


Try it without looking at answers

1) Pick your Favorite number between 1-9

2) Multiply by 3 then

3) Add 3, then again multiply by 3

4) You'll get a 2 or 3 digit number….

5) Add the digits together

Now Scroll down..............

Now with that number see who your ROLE MODEL is from the list below :

1. Einstein

2. Nelson Mandela

3. Maya Angelou

4. Tom Cruise

5. Bill Gates

6. Gandhi

7. Mother Teresa

8. Brad Pitt

9. Kimberly Hodgson

10. Barack Obama

I know....I just have that effect on people....one day you too can be like me.... :)

Believe it!

P.S. Stop picking different numbers. I am your idol, just deal with it!!!!

NOTE: The best part about this fun forward was: When I sent it to Clayton his role model was... Mother Teresa and he was all like ok... better than Brad Pitt I suppose... hey what's Kimberly's name doing on there! Apparently he can't do math... and niether can I... our poor poor future children!

Sunday, December 14, 2008

You know you're a Redneck when...

So I got around to decorating for Christmas... of course Clayton had to add his finishing touches!
It's a Redneck Christmas in Alberta!

Monday, December 8, 2008

Suggestions anyone?

So Clayton and I are thinking about going somewhere in January.
There's just one problem... we can't decide where!

I would prefer to go somewhere different like South America or Africa... but as we all know in my condition these might not be the safest of choices. And the only place overseas Clayton has an interest in going is France... to check out Normandy. But he doesn't want to go in the winter and well January is the best time to go with work and well that whole baby thing. Plus we are now limited to 2 weeks and if I'm going somewhere like that... I'd like some more time to see the place!

So it seems our choices are limited to somewhere more typical... like Hawaii or Mexico... damn.
And I have the whole hang up with going to an all inclusive...
And we keep trying to think and research other places... other touristy places it seems and I keep thinking what if they're all day package specials, busy busy and jam packed with other tourists... just like Mexico and we paid 3 times the price!

So I'm begging you for any suggestions you may have...
We need all the help we can get!
And time is running out...

Friday, December 5, 2008

Post 100!

Wow I started my blog at the end of 2006... and it took me this long to write 100 posts! I'm such a bad blogger I know. Let's see... that's a little over 4 posts a month... so on average I post once a week. Hey that's not too bad... right???
OK for all those bloggers out there who post at least something everyday... you're sick, addicted and need to get a life! And NO those previous comments are NOT because I am extremely JEALOUS that you have something interesting to post about every day... NO. NOT. AT. ALL. JEALOUS! ;)

So POST 100... I bet you're thinking... it's gotta be spectacular! If so... sorry to disappoint... I already posted this week... my interesting file is empty!

Wait! I have a quote Vanessa sent me via the email:
"Whatever you give a woman, she will make greater. If you give her sperm, she'll give you a baby. If you give her a house, she'll give you a home. If you give her groceries, she'll give you a meal. If you give her a smile, she'll give you her heart. She multiplies and enlarges what is given to her. So, if you give her any crap, be ready to receive a ton of shit."

Oh and while I'm copying and pasting here's an email I received at work the other day:


Corinna would like to treat, for Christmas lunch, her wonderful, hardworking, smart, skilled, fabulous staff and Kimberly.

What are your schedules like before Christmas??

It's great to feel special... I mean no one else got their name personally mentioned!
I read it to Clayton and he laughed and then his face got solemn and he said, "What if they REALLY do feel that way?"

I was like shut up Clayton, "If I'm not bugged, I'm not loved." RIGHT? They love me right? RIGHT??? ;)


Monday, December 1, 2008

Our lil' Cheeky Monkey!

On the weekend Clayton and I went up to Duchess to watch our nephew play hockey.
He's 4... absolutely adorable... and couldn't give a rat's ass about hockey!
He spent most of his time shuffle skating over to the stands waving at us... posing for my pictures... and talking to the coach on the other bench about his hiccups and sneezes!
He's a real social butterfly!
And the happiest little guy you could ever meet...

"Do you like hockey?" We asked him after the game.
"Oh yes," he said with the perma smile still on his face.
Then he noticed the concession...
"Mom look there's treats," he smiled.
"Go ask your Dad to buy you one," she said.
"Dad can I have a treat?" he smiled.
"Sure," and as they're walking to the till I hear his Dad say, "How would you like a banana?"
I thought... there's no way his Dad's gonna get away with that!
Then I hear a very enthusiastic "SURE!" come from my nephew.
No way! I think when they get to the front and he sees all the chips and chocolate bars... he won't be getting a banana!

For the first time in my life I WAS WRONG! ;)

There comes my nephew bounding back to us, banana in hand, so excited about his treat!
He runs up to me, "Look Auntie I got a banana cause I'm a Cheeky Monkey!!!"
I've never seen anyone so excited about a banana...

I hope his parents realize when my kids need some tried, tested and true parenting... I'll be sending them their way!

Friday, November 21, 2008

You can try and tell me it's a lemon, BUT it's yellow so I KNOW it's a banana!

The following story is dedicated to my wonderful husband, Clayton. (My sisters really were right... if he can stand living with YOU... he must be THE ONE!)

The other night I actually planned dinner the day before! Followed a recipe and everything! Put a Heritage style pork roast on in the slow cooker in the morning and made sure I had everything for baking powder biscuits so I could make them after work.
And let me tell you I was dreaming about those baking powder biscuits all day long.
So when I got home I whipped up the biscuits, cut up the pork, dished out the potatoes and dinner was served.
We dug in...
I took a bite of my baking powder biscuit and was hit with a very strong, bitter taste. Now normally I would have choked it down, then set the rest on my plate and complained about the odd tasting biscuit.
BUT my reaction had lots left to be desired... I blame it on the pregnancy hormones... who wouldn't?
I spat the piece of biscuit out of my mouth and onto my plate and then smashed the rest of the biscuit in my hand onto the table. And said something like, "What the hell (insert nastier word here) is wrong with the hellish (insert nastier word here) baking powder biscuit?!"
Clayton just looked at me and then took a bite of his biscuit... and judging by my display I am guessing he decided it was fine to run to the garbage a spit his out.
"What?! Was it that bad?" I yelled at him. Apparently the hormones made me forget I had just spat mine onto the plate.
He tried his best to ignore me and sat back down at the table.
Now in a horrible mood there was no saving the nice meal. I grumpily shoved a bite of my pork into my mouth, "And the PORK..." I shouted in mid-chew, "The PORK is dry! Oh great... what a lovely, well thought out, meal!"
Clayton sat down his fork and looked at me, "Kimberly, the pork in FINE."
That made me go off. "No it's not FINE. It's dry and the apples are weird in it and I am never following some stupid recipe again! And I was so looking forward to those damn baking powder biscuits... 4 teaspoons of baking powder... I knew I should have phoned Mom and got her recipe. I was really looking forward to this meal and it sucks ass and it is not FINE!"
Clayton, in a moment of courage, said quietly, "Um Kimberly I thought I saw you get out the baking soda box..."
"What?" I shouted.
And then the hormones left me on cue... at the moment when your normal self will feel really stupid for your behaviour... AND I FELT STUPID... VERY STUPID.
"Oh... I think I did..." was all I could muster.
Clayton being quite a genuinely calm and forgiving type person, just chuckled. "Remember that time you used Vanilla instead of Soya Sauce in your sweat and sour meatballs."
Finally I smiled, "Oh my god that WAS horrible. Well I can't even blame this on pregnancy brain."
Then I got up and made some actual BAKING POWDER biscuits!

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

The art of ALWAYS being right

Last night Clayton was getting into bed and his pillow had fallen back between the wall and the mattress, again.

"Dammit I hate this bed," he grumbled as he pulled his pillow back onto the mattress.

As he rose to get out of bed, I said, "Well why don't you push the mattress up so it touches the wall, and then that won't happen anymore."

He stopped, glared at me and said, "WHAT DOES IT LOOK LIKE I AM DOING?!"

Like the good wife I am, I told him, "It looks like you're doing what I told you to do. Nice work honey!"

He just glared at me and I'm sure said a few choice words under his breath.

Poor poor men... they can just never win! It's cause women... we're just so good with our words!!! (That's just what happens when you don't have a little head in control of your thought process...)

Thursday, November 13, 2008


I'm pregnant! Due May 19!
Baby is 12 weeks 5 days old in this picture and about 2 inches long!
We got to watch baby do back flips on the screen... pretty damn cool!

Being pregnant is pretty exciting...

The Top Ten Most Wonderful Things About Being Pregnant:

10. People are just plain nicer to pregnant ladies.
9. I get to have lots of naps and not feel guilty about it.
8. Throwing up is a welcomed event as it elevates the nausea.
7. Counting down the days left until I no longer have to go to work.
6. Everything smells better... and WORSE!
5. Burping openly, in public and saying... "What? I'm pregnant!"
4. There is now a good excuse for my erratic and emotional behaviour!
3. Clayton rubbed my back once when I was spewing... and he HATES being near vomit.
2. I can eat weird food combinations and blame it on pregnancy cravings.

And the number one most wonderful thing about being pregnant...

1. I step on the weigh scale and can't wait to see how much I've GAINED!!!

Thursday, November 6, 2008

2nd out of 2 ain't bad!

Well I wasn't going to admit it... because I didn't win... BOO HOO... but then I figured... all that work for nothing?!!!
So here is goes...
I entered the local newspaper's Scary Story contest they ran for Halloween! And I don't even like scary stories... but I really could have used that $75! ;) So I dug deep. And I figured I had a fair shot... the editor told me they had no entries about a week before the deadline... so I thought what the hell... 75 bucks is 75 bucks!

BUT apparently someone else entered...

So I'm consoling myself with the fact that I probably came in second... second out of two ain't bad! ;)

And so that my time spent writing and others time spent editing didn't go to a complete waste... I finally decided to post the damn story here:

Alone in the Dark

The night was deathly still, as if no living thing had ever been; had ever breathed a single life giving breath. The eerie, unnatural silence had engulfed all corners of the yard and was wrapping itself around the two story house like a massive python constricting and suffocating its helpless prey. The forbidding silence slithered and seeped into the darkened house; filling every nook and cranny with its sinister presence. In an upstairs bedroom, Jessica shivered,
“It’s just a calm night,” she tried to reassure herself. “Peaceful even; now close your eyes and go to sleep.” But it didn’t feel peaceful, not one little bit.
After a few minutes of hopelessly trying, Jessica’s eyes fluttered open again. She shivered violently under the tightly wound covers. Cold, it’s too cold in here. Her mind raced to find a rational reason for her body to be convulsing with such chilling force. “Turn up the thermostat,” she told herself, but her body made no effort to rise. Only her eyes seemed somewhat interested in the command as they peered warily into the hall.
“WHAT WAS THAT?” she screamed the question inside her head. Something was out there. Someone was in the hall. She had caught a glimpse of movement and reached instinctively to the other side of the bed to wake her husband. As her hand brushed over the tidy, folded edge of the top sheet, her heart sank. He was away on a business trip. The realization hit her like a death sentence.
He was away. She was alone. Someone was in the house.
She lay there, frozen under the sheets; her vulnerability seeped out from every corner of the queen sized bed. Her initial urge was to hide her head under the covers, as if the quilt was a linen fortress that would protect her from the intruders below. “But how would that help, stupid girl,” Jessica yelled inwardly at herself. “Think. Do something. Help yourself.” It seemed as if rational thought had left her. All she could do was lay there, feeble and unprotected, awaiting her fate.
Suddenly, a loud clatter echoed throughout the house. Her heart pounded, even faster than before and fear started to encompass every ounce of her body. Her mind tried lamely to diminish the situation, “It’s the cat! The cat has jumped up on the kitchen counter top and knocked something off! Stupid cat! Oh lovely cat! If only it was the cat, the stupid, lovely cat!” She clung to this false reality, for only a moment, until she remembered with clear certainty that she had let the cat out earlier that evening.
“They’re robbing me,” she thought. “They can have whatever they want, I don’t care. Just don’t come back upstairs. Please don’t let them come into the bedroom and find me here, alone,” Jessica pleaded desperately with the powers above. She turned her head away from the door, as if this action would give her some sort of comfort, and her eyes settled on the bedroom window. She had opened it earlier, allowing the evening breeze to wash over her while she slept. Now it seemed a beckoning ray of hope in this bleak situation. If she moved slowly, she could get out of bed without it creaking. Once at the window she would have to carefully remove the screen, climb down the roof and jump. She could do it! She would save herself. Hope filled her like a warm summer sunrise.
Then from the room across the hall came a muffled wail. TYSON! How had she forgotten about their baby, HER BABY? Shame overtook her fear-filled body. Three months she had spent nursing, changing diapers, cuddling and loving her first child and in a moment of fear all thoughts of Tyson had left her! Some mother she was! Humiliation of her selfish thoughts put her body into action before her brain could make a viable plan. She jumped out of bed and crept slowly into the gaping blackness. She peered down the hall and then darted across the threshold into the baby’s room. She ran over to the crib, reached in and lifted Tyson from his waking slumber. He gave a little squawk as she snuggled him to her chest.
Jessica’s heart jumped into her throat, for at the sound of the baby’s cry, a dark figure, in the far corner of the room, stood up and turned towards her. Jessica let out a bloodcurdling scream, turned and took off out of the room with Tyson pressed tightly against her heart. As she reached the top of the stairs, she heard a deep male voice shout out angry words behind her. Terror filled her soul and Tyson started to scream in her clutches. As she began descending the stairs, she felt large, icy fingertips brush the back of her nightgown. She had just escaped his grasp but on the third step she stumbled and fell forward. Tyson flew out of her arms and she was falling. Flailing about as she fell, trying desperately to regain a hold of her child. Then Tyson was gone and she was alone and falling farther and farther into this black pit of despair.
THUD! Jessica’s body jerked and she was awake. AWAKE? The sweat was pouring off her and her heart was still racing but she was awake! It had all been a dream; a horrible, terrifying nightmare. She took a deep breath to settle her pounding heart and reached over to the other side of the bed. Her hand touched the solid mass of her husband’s back and she breathed a deep sigh of relief.
“I better go check on Tyson,” she thought. As she rose unsteadily, Jessica glanced back at her husband, thankful for his presence in the room. He was lying on his stomach, face down on the pillow. “How odd,” she pondered, “he never sleeps on his stomach.”
As she leaned to check her husband, a large, icy hand clamped tightly over her mouth, suffocating her screams. Her body was flung forcefully back onto the bed. Her face thrust deep into her pillow. As her mind clouded over with black nothingness the last thing that pierced her heart were the screams of her baby drifting in from the other room.

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Things the youth tell me...

YOUTH: You know you're getting old when staying in and playing boardgames is the most fun you've had in a long time!

ME: But it WAS really REALLY fun... it was...

YOUTH: You're old... just admit it already.

ME: Shut up you little shit!
Because you NEED to teach the youth of today a little RESPECT; in a language they can understand of course! And then I wacked him with a ruler... 3 times! ;)

Wednesday, October 29, 2008


Now I don't usually like to say mean things about people... to their face anyhow ;)... and with this being the Internet and even though I'm sure I know the 5 people who read my blog... you never know who's out there creeping...

So really I shouldn't say anything... didn't your Momma ever tell you "if you don't have anything nice to say then don't say anything at all"? But Momma how come Larissa is the most popular girl in the class and THE BIGGEST BITCH AND MEANEST PERSON EVER??? HUH Mom? Huh???

So I won't say who... but in my life there are these two people... who may or may not be married to each other... who are absolutely horrible. I've never met anyone as nasty... EVER!!! I honestly didn't think people like this really existed!
The man is just plain rude and doesn't even acknowledge that you are there... and I met him first and thought... wow... the poor women married to him!
And then I met HER! And I tell you they were made for each other! She is horrid. And the worst part after being an absolute ?@#$&% bitch!!! She'll turn around and in the next sentence, switch her tone of voice, and ask ME to do HER a FAVOUR! Seriously women? And yet I do it! Every time! (And then I curse my Mother for making me this way!)
I had one horrible situation where I was with her and she was so rude and down right MEAN to this man who was just doing his job. And in the process she called a few people in town unintelligent bitches... yes she actually SAID BITCHES... (and in my head I was like hello? I or he might work with or like these people... so shut your face lady!) I WAS SO EMBARRASSED. When she left I basically got down on my knees and apologized for her behaviour. He was like, "Aw don't worry about it... I deal with lots of people like that in this business." How sad! There lots more people out there who would treat a complete stranger, who is JUST DOING HIS JOB that way?!
All I can say about that is: WHAT THE HELL?!

And then last night I caught a bit of This Hour Has 22 Minutes and realized that I can call this couple whatever names I want... to whomever I want...
BECAUSE THEIR WHITE... Whiteys... Trailer Trash... etc

See for yourself!

OK so I probably WON'T go ranting about them around town... because frankly I DON'T WANT TO SINK TO THEIR LEVEL! EVER! Yes my mother is behind that one as well! Thanks Mom... I am presuming these people didn't have parents who taught them these things... poor poor people.

PS. I have decided... now that I blasted someone on my blog... to allow anonymous comments again! OK so that's NOT true... I am just bummed out about the lack of comments! And hey I DID write about a yeast infection for goodness sakes... I am bound to offend, shock or embarrass someone... such as Clayton! ;)

Thursday, October 23, 2008

The broken button

Clayton: Have you fixed my pants yet?

Me: What pants?

Clayton: Those blue cargo pants.

Me: No. Did you ask me to fix them?

Clayton: No, but I put them on your sewing machine. (Duh!)

Me: Oh! So this is how married people are suppose to communicate? I get it!

Clayton: Not really.

Me: Well how do married people communicate then?

Clayton: Fix my pants WOMEN!

Me: You're cut off!

Clayton: What?!


Clayton: I tried. But I broke the button.

Me: How do you break a button?

Clayton: Easy.

Me: Well it can't be that easy... I never have!

Clayton: Well excuse me but I'm not a pro at the sewing machine!

Me: What were you doing on the sewing machine?

Clayton: (Dammit WOMEN) I was fixing my pants!

Me: Sewing on a button?

Clayton: YES. That's what I said!

Me: Well (DEAR) I sew my buttons on by hand.

Clayton: No you don't.

Me: Yes I do. I've never done it on a sewing machine...

Clayton: Hey me either... wanna go DO IT on the sewing machine???

Me: Focus Clayton! And anyhow... YOU'RE CUT OFF... remember?

MEN... so easily distracted!

Friday, October 17, 2008

For lack of nothing else to write...

Stories have been coming in a little sluggish around here as of late... or maybe my brain is just no longer interpreting things in an interesting story fashion!
Either way...
I'm feeling guilty for not posting much of interest lately... or much of anything at ALL!

So I searched deep into the realms of my recollection and found this:

Our airplane ride with my parent's neighbouring farmer this past September.

And NO I am NOT JUST going to post a picture! Surprised? I know!

So before we get into the rather flimsy looking plane, our pilot goes over some safety stuff. He points at a little shed part way down the grass runway that he uses a guide; if his wheels aren't off the ground by that point during take-off, then he needs to pull the throttle back and start again.

Then he chuckles.

It makes me a little nervous and I notice Clayton giving him a sideways glace as well.

And he starts to speak: Oh it's just this one time I was taking two larger guys... and I mean they were big guys... up for a spin and I told them to meet me at the SA airport. But they arrived in town early and decided to drive out to the farm instead.
Needless to say, I was a little surprised to see them pull up in the driveway, as the reason I wanted to meet them at the airport was because I wasn't sure if my runway was long enough to allow for my little plane to get off the ground with that kind of weight in tow.
But they were here now, so what was I to do? So we loaded into the plane and they were pretty excited as neither of them had been up in a small plane before.
So we're taxiing down the runway and I've got the throttle on full. As we pass the little shed my wheels aren't quite off the ground and I think briefly that I should give it another go. So I pull the throttle back a bit and by that time my wheels have lifted. So I second guess myself again and put the throttle back on full.

He pauses from his recollection and points over to a distance stand of trees.

See those trees over there. As we were coming up to them I was praying desperately to God that we make it over those trees. It looked like it was going to be close but there was nothing else I could do but keep the throttle on full. I'm sweating buckets and the wheels almost skim the top leaves, I swear. So there I am thanking the Lord that we made it over the trees and the guy in the front seat... who is totally oblivious, just sitting there enjoying the view... turns to me and says, "This is pretty cool. But have you ever had anything happen that really gave you a scare?"
I give it a moment to settle in and then answer his question, "Yes, actually I have, like only a few minutes ago... when we just about hit those trees... I almost shit my pants!"

Then he chuckles again, "I guess it just proves never to second guess yourself... especially twice!" And then he starts off towards the plane. He glanced back at the two of us, still standing where he'd left us and laughs. "I guess maybe I should have waited to tell you that story after we were safetly BACK on the the ground."

"Yeah," we laughed nervously in unison.

"Oh we'll be alright," he continued, "This time we'll be taking off in the other direction... the only thing we might hit is my field of corn!"

Thanks... that's really reassuring!

Moral of the story: Never believe a man with a metal spike protruding from his head!

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

Good ol' Mickey D's...

So I was on one of my recent trips to the homeland and I had a craving for some chicken MCnuggets.
And I was going through a place that had a McDonald's so I figured it only right to pull off the beaten track and satisfy my craving. Even though I hadn't been on the rode for very long, I am my Mother's daughter, so I figured it best to empty my bladder while I had the chance.
I went inside and got into a very long line, which I would soon find out was also very slow moving. But it's kind of one of those things... where you have waited for so long already it seems a waste to leave and REALLY have wasted that time with nothing to show for it! Plus I REALLY wanted some DAMN CHICKEN MCNUGGETS!

So I waited.

I think the problem was that it was shortly before 5pm and they didn't have on their full staff for the dinner rush, as well as the drive through was extremely busy and, as I would find out later, they had some newbies on the job!

So I got to the till, ordered and as I was waiting for my nuggets a guy comes in. He has a Big Mac box in his hand and heads straight to the till where a very young looking girl has just started her shift.

Mickey D employee: How can I help you?

Customer: I just went through the drive through and finally got my food and there was a BITE out of my burger when I opened it!

Mickey D employee: Pardon?

Man with bite out of burger: There was a BITE out of MY BURGER when I got it!

Mickey D employee: Oh... um... hold on please... (And she shuffles over and has a quiet conversation with the floor manager, who looks annoyed and then comes over to investigate.)

Floor Manager: What seems to be the problem here?

Man with bite out of burger: Like I said to her... THERE WAS A BITE OUT OF MY BURGER!

Floor Manager: (Saying nothing takes the burger from the man and heads over to where the burgers are being made. She is trying to speak quietly but her final sentence becomes quiet audible): NO! NO! NO! Taking a BITE out of a customer's burger IS NOT a form of initiation! NOT ACCEPTABLE!

Kind of makes you wonder doesn't it? And you know that kid isn't getting fired in this time of extreme labour shortage.

And I have to admit I still ate my nuggets... even though that little voice in the back of my mind kept saying: You know someone licked a nugget... you know it!

Saturday, October 4, 2008


With all the scenic views... majestic snow capped mountains... peaceful deep blue lakes... mossy forest vistas... cascading crystal waterfalls... it seems kind of ironic that my favorite picture from our Bella Coola excursion is the following...

With a misty morning backdrop...

Thursday, September 25, 2008

Memoirs of a Yeast Infection

Yes Internet today... because Clayton has done nothing note worthy... I am going to write about a Yeast Infection.
You see I was sitting in my office today, gazing longingly out the window and for some unknown reason these thoughts popped into my head:
What if I had a yeast infection again? While I worked here? How would I make it through?
You see when I first moved out here with my sister and had just started my job at Agricore United I developed an irritating itch… down there… you know… don’t make me say it Internet!
Never having a yeast infection before or never really discussing the symptoms of a yeast infection with anyone, I wasn’t sure what was going on. Although I was sure something was seriously wrong.

I mean when you fantasize about taking a belt sander to your nether regions… SOMETHING HAS GOT TO BE SERIOUSLY WRONG!

My saving grace was that at work I was outside and active and barely had time to think let alone notice the irritation. And I’d think hey… wait a minute… yup… it’s gone… IT’S GONE! IT’S GONE! Then as soon as I got home and sat down it was back in full force.
I’d jump up and shout, CORRINE! CORRINE! We have to go roller blading NOW! CORRINE! CORRINE! Lets go for a run NOW! CORRINE! CORRINE! Yard work NOW! Thinking back I would almost feel sorry for Corrine except for the fact that her crotch hadn’t turned on her like rabid dog!
A yeast infection... couldn't it be named something a little more relevant like... inflamed pricklyitis... aggravated affliction of the nether regions... scratchy itchy unbearably irritating infection.
BUT could you imagine… if I had inflamed pricklyitis NOW! How would I sit through it all day at the office? UNBEARABLE! UNTHINKABLE! UNIMAGINABLE! The thought of it just makes me cringe!
And before I am totally lost in the horrible memories and wallowing in the worries of how would I cope if it came back…
I remind myself…
KIMBERLY, you would go to the doctor’s or the pharmacy even and get one of those little LIFE SAVING pills.
And then life would go on.

Thursday, September 18, 2008

It's a bird! It's a plane! It's a... boat?

So before we actually headed off on our Bella Coola adventure we decided to look over some brochures and maps we had acquired. Thought we'd give it a go at being slightly more organized and know, before we actually got there, what there was to do!

One of the things that interested us was this hot springs, that looked to be either boat or as this picture shows, helicopter, access only. For some reason, most likey because I am a male genitalia obsessed freak, as I glanced at this picture it appeared to me that the guy in the right foreground of this picture wasn't wearing any shorts!

Now don't get me wrong you BC hippies I know that it is general knowledge that natural hot springs bathing attired usually consists of your natural birthday suit. BUT using a photo of a naked man in a brochure about what to do in the Bella Coola Valley... seems... well... just a tad bit unprofessional. Although it's does state: Bella Coola, come experience 'the real BC'! Maybe that's what their talking about! Let me tell you... if the real BC consists of hot, naked, out doors men, strutting their stuff around every corner... count me in! ;)

So I thought I'd share my unlikely find and beckoned for Mom to come have a look.
"Really you can see his penis?" A penis is a penis... just as an arm is an arm... my mother always said... nothing to be embarrassed about and no need to call it by any other name.
She put on her magnifying glasses, that I am sure she bought from Zellers, and reached across the table to take the brochure with the incriminating picture from me. (And at this time in my post it would be awesome to have a picture of my Mom wearing these hideous glasses because she repaired them and now they are held onto her head with an elastic waist band and sadly she could be mistaken as Bubbles from the Trailer Parks Boys... no joke!)
So she leans in real close to the picture and says...
"We'll have to see if we can rent a boat like the one in the picture to take us to the hot springs."
I immediately reach over and remove the booklet out from under her nose...
Because lady if you can't tell that the object in the background of the picture is a HELICOPTER then there is NO WAY you are ever going to be able to see that guys WANG!!!

Lesson learned: My Mom needs to BUY some proper glasses! They'll come in handy next time someone tries to show her a tiny cock. (And Mom I am not talking about a roster here.)

Monday, September 15, 2008

Back home safe and sound!

We had a wonderful time on our holidays... saw a lot of road and visited with lots of people... and of course there will be a few stories from the experience...
But today I'm just going to post quickly about our arrival back in Alberta... Edmonton to be more precise... the West Ed Mall to be exact...

We find our way quite easily to the Mall and after camping on the side of the road in the Xterra and then driving 7 hours we are about ready to NOT get back in the vehicle. So we decide to check out the cost of staying at the Fantasy Land Inn right at the Mall.
The price is definitely above any amount we would normally fathom spending on a nights sleep BUT Clayton looks at me and says...
Kimberly don't you think we deserve an expensive nights sleep after spending the last week sleeping in the back of our vehicle?
So we tell the Hotel Desk Clerk that we'll take the cheapest room... he must have overheard our little discussion and feeling sorry for us he declared that he would give us his favorite theme room for the cheap price.
We were both elated and thanked that nice man profusely...

We couldn't get over our luck and how nice it was of that desk clerk to give us a theme room...

Until we entered the room and realized he just had once really twisted sense of humour...

Friday, August 29, 2008

Bella Coola

Clayton and I are leaving on Saturday for Bella Coola!
Yes this time we are taking our holidays together. BUT only PURELY because last time we got so many questioning looks and even actual inquiries... SO is everything alright with you two? Therefore this time we decided to JUST avoid the hassle of explaining that... NO marriage to us does NOT involve compromise.
So even though Clayton would rather spend his holidays in BI going for coffee at the fire hall and at the river fishing. And I of course would rather be spending my free time on the farm with my new love. We have decided for the sake of LOOKING LIKE A GOOD MARRIED COUPLE to spend our holiday together. SHOCKING I KNOW!

So we are heading in a round about way to Bella Coola. Stopping at my parents so I get to spend some time with my new love and coming back a little early so Clayton can spend a few days off in BI. Now if that isn't COMPROMISE then I don't know what is!!!

And so far every response to our trip has been similar to this... sounds like fun, um where IS Bella Coola? (And I FINALLY figured out how to do a link... it's so EASY I'm almost MORE embarrassed than happy... so click on Bella Coola to see where it is!)

And one other thing... that I am finally going to admit openly on my blog... since moving to the prairies I have become somewhat more nervous of BEARS.

Maybe it's the fact that I no longer bump into one crossing the road into the corn field on an early morning walk to the school bus in the fall... And I am no longer use to the normality of their presence. Or maybe it's just a thing that comes with age... fear of things you use to never think twice about. But more than likely I blame it on, Clayton's fear of bears, regrettably rubbing off on me. If you can't blame your spouse, then who can you blame?!

So when checking out all the info sites about Bella Coola the words... BEARS IN AREA... WILDLIFE ABUNDANT... GRIZZLY BEAR COUNTRY... LATE SUMMER AND FALL IS A TIME WITH A HIGH VOLUME OF BEAR TRAFFIC STOCKING UP FOR WINTER... really stuck out to me. But I took a deep breath and said to myself... for flock, flicking sakes Kimberly, you pussy assed flat lander, suck hole, baby licked loser, what has happened to you, REALLY?!!! And I of course immediately felt... WORSE... because... well that's just not nice to say to anyone... even yourself. AND because I wasn't sure what had actually happened to me... and I really wanted it to UN HAPPEN!

But I pushed on.

I found this Turner Lake Chain Canoe route, which looked very interesting. There was a 16km hike in... but you could rent canoes once you got in... that made it a possibility for us to do. So I asked my Dad to talk to the guy he knows who lives up there and find out any tips or good hike info.
About 10 minutes after I hung up with my Dad, the phone rang...


Hey Kimberly. It was my Dad. I talked to Keith and he isn't going to be around but he is going to email some stuff about hikes and camping in the area.

Wow Dad, you're on top of things! Thanks!

Oh yeah and I asked him about the Turner Lake Chain and he said that it was quite a ways in but not that hard of a hike as it is made up of long switchbacks. They usually hike in and canoe some of the lakes and then get a lift out on a float plane.

Well that doesn't sound bad. And we could just hike back out too... depending on the price of a float plane ride, I guess.

Yeah he said the area was quite stunning, as it is so remote. Oh and you'd better pick up some bear spray... he suggested bringing 2 or 3 cans along with you, as the bears will be quite dense in the river bottom fishing for salmon but once your higher up they lessen off.

BEAR SPRAY? 2 OR 3 CANS!!! What? But, not wanting to sound like a pansy ass, out loud I said Well thanks Dad, I appreciate you checking into it for me.

I hung up the phone, still in disbelief.

2 OR 3 CANS OF BEAR SPRAY???!!! Like what does that even mean? Are you actually going to USE UP 2 or possibly 3 cans of bear spray during the course of the hike? Because if my memory serves me right bear spray is only effective with a close encounter with a bear... like if a bear was ATTACKING you and you used the bear spray to SAVE YOUR LIFE!

And I am sorry but if on this hike I will at some point... without a doubt... run into 2 to 3 BEARS who are most likely going to ensure that I make good use of 2 to 3 cans of BEAR SPRAY... I don't care how pansy assed it makes me sound... YOU CAN COUNT ME OUT!

I informed Clayton of the suggested 2 to 3 cans of bear spray and all he said was...
Screw the bear spray if we go on that hike I am packing my 30-30... and I'm NOT kidding.

So on that note... we're off to Bella Coola! Wish us luck! And by wishing us luck I mean pray that we don't become bear chow while on holidays! Just to make myself perfectly clear! THANKS! ;)
Check back in around Sept. 16 when I'll be back in BI and back to blogging! (Unless I, like the nerd I am, put up a post while I'm at Mom and Dad's!)

Thursday, August 28, 2008

You know you're cheap when...

Tonight I cut Clayton's hair.

3 hair cuts ago, on a whim, he bought a $30 clipper set... you know the really fancy one that comes with it's own pair of scissors! He took it out when he got home and announced that it was the price of 2 hair cuts and so I had 2 chances to prove that I would be successful at cutting his hair.

And tonight as I was cutting his hair I told him about the conversation I had today with the ladies at the Town Office.

It went something like this:

Town Office Lady: Wow your hair... you got it cut... it's short! I like it!

Other Town Office Lady: Yeah it looks really good.

Me: Thanks... yeah I really like it too!

And then it seemed as if the conversation would turn to another subject... and I have to tell you I was a little relieved as I was getting a little tired of... oh where'd you get it done... and then the look of utter shock and disbelief when I revealed that I had done it myself.

And just as I thought I was off scot free...

Yet Another Town Lady: So did you get it done here in town?

Me: Ahhh... yeah it was in town... and then I thought awe what the hell... yeah at Salon a la Kimberly, just put it up in a ponytail and chopped it off!

All the now utterly shocked Town Office ladies: Oh... my!

Me: Yeah I was just getting really sick of it and my hair had been long and boring forever... so out of the blue I decided to cut it off! Clayton of course chided me about being cheap but that really wasn't the reason... just wanted to try and cut my own hair I guess!

Town Office Lady: Oh. Well. Nice job.

Other Town Office Lady: And just tell Clayton he's wrong about you being cheap... it's when you start cutting HIS HAIR that you know you're getting a little tight with the pocket strings!

Monday, August 25, 2008

Ode to Lil' Rusty

Well Lil' Rusty it's time to say our farewell,
And knowing myself it's darn certain I'll dwell.
So I thought I'd make a final post,
As you do deserve a farewell toast!
You've been at times a trustworthy ride,
And the times you weren't, I was still on your side!
Even though it took some tender loving care,
You never left me completely stranded anywhere!
And the tales that came from you temperamental spirit,
Will be shared with anyone still willing to hear it!
So Lil' THANKS for the years of loyal determination,
And 'making memories' on every road trip vacation!
You are the first vehicle I could ever claim as mine,
You're wonderful, glorious, 100 times better than fine!
So here is my final goodbye, before I throw a fit,
And let it be known: CLAYTON IS MAKING ME DO IT!

Cheers Lil' Rusty! I love you! Really I do!

And just so you know I haven't totally abandoned Lil'...
He will be spending his retirement out on the farm in BC. I HAD just planned on giving him to Dad... but then when I fell in love with their little stud, Tex... a proposition popped into my head... so I phoned my Dad and offered to trade him Lil' Rusty for Lil' Tex...
Kimberly giving you ANOTHER horse that lives on the farm... now that's the gift that just keeps giving! Was all he really said.
Yeah Dad BUT aren't you JUST THAT GIVING of a person!
And I heard through the grape vine that after being told about my proposition a certain Uncle Hankey queried...
Wasn't she just going to GIVE you that truck?
Yeah of course I am...
But isn't Dad just going to GIVE me Tex?!!! ;)

Oh yeah and here's the reason I HAVE to GIVE UP Lil' Rusty:

Apparently GOOD gas mileage beats out RUSTIC CHARM!

We'll probably call her:

Because that's just how creative we are!

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

I heard somewhere that people are most VAIN about their hair...

So after spending the summer... I mean the last 6 or 7 years... with long, scraggly, split end, BORING old hair, I decided it was time for a change. But still I did nothing about it.
Until last week...
I had just came home from work AND it had been killer hot AND I had neck sweat AND my hair was making my back incredibly itchy. I was like ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!
"I am going to cut my hair off." I told Clayton.
"Yeah right!" Was his reply as he went outside.
You'd think after 4 years of dating and 1 year of marriage the man would know his wife a little better than that...
If I had just been THINKING about it... his YEAH RIGHT now put me into action!
I went into the bathroom... brushed my hair into an evenish ponytail in the middle of the back of my head... took out some scissors and cut 3/4 of the ponytail off!
I took a quick look and then went out to show Clayton.
"Kimberly could you come over here... OH MY GOD YOU CUT YOUR HAIR!!!" And after a closer inspection, "OH MY GOD IT LOOKS HORRIBLE! You need to call my Mom right now so she can come over and fix it!"
"Geez it doesn't look that bad... AND I'll fix it myself thank you!"
So I went back into the bathroom to inspect it myself.
And it did look pretty bad... it was longer in the front, which I actually liked... but the back was in very short and long choppy layers and the right side went straight across and was way shorter then the left side. And the bottom layer on the back went down to a point in the middle of my back.
So I got to work... even though I didn't know what I was doing... and in the end I think it turned out alright.
I mean an actual hairdresser would be horrified!
But it was good enough for me!

When I came back out, Clayton, after admitting it didn't look that bad, said, "When I first saw you I felt like running in and shaving off my goatee (Because I really like his goatee) BUT then I thought you'd probably go and shave your head... or something stupid like that!"
And him saying that made me feel better... because I had been a little worried that MY OWN HUSBAND didn't EVEN KNOW ME!!!
And then later he confessed that he had mentioned it to a friend and his friend was like, "You should count yourself lucky... my wife spent $250.00 on a hair style once!"

And I know you all are just DYING to see my NEW hair cut...
So here it is:

Here's a better picture showing the back better:

And just because I am THAT VAIN about my hair... here's one when it's been blow dried:


Thursday, August 14, 2008

Hankey the Christmas Poo...

...came a little early this year!

Side note: When I told Vanessa this story we laughed the roaring, gut wrenching laughter until it's became silent because we could no longer breath... and we still kept laughing. When I told Clayton this story he just looked at me the whole time with this disgusted look on his face... like is she really continuing to talk about poo?... and then shook his head and said, "Every time you come back from BC you're a little weirder."
For those of you who find it humorous... YOU ROCK! :)
And for those of you who take pictures of your prize poos... well now even I, KIMBERLY A., thinks that's taking a little TOO MUCH pride in your poo! wink wink... you know who you are!

And so it went something like this...

My lovely Mother and I were out gallivanting as my Dad would say and decided to stop in for a visit at my Grandma and Grandpa's. We were having a good chat when all the gallivanting, compiled with the cup of tea my Grandma was keeping topped up, finally caught up with me and I realized that I had better make a trip to the facilities. And at that moment as I was about to rise from my seat to relieve myself, my lovely Mother hopped up and trotted off to make use of the toilet.

Upon her return it seemed only proper to wait a few moments rather then make a mad dash to the bathroom. So I waited. And my bladder continued to tighten. After a bit of small talk I excused myself and headed with great joy to the biffy to bring relief to my ever expanding bladder.

I pushed open the door and flipped up the toilet seat lid all prepared to take my position on the throne...
I jumped back!
And then immediately probably because I was still in disbelief of it I lean closer and peered cautiously into the toilet bowl.
Yup! I had NOT been mistaken.
Hankey the Christmas Poo had come a little early this year!
And then like any child would do... I silently cursed my NOT so lovely Mother for leaving a turd in the toilet... A turd in someone else's toilet no less! You're company at someone else's house and that's how you repay them... by leaving a floater in their biffy! It's a wonder really, I, a child of hers, have any manners what-so-ever!
And even though it wasn't a situation I would volunteer to be in... I was, in a way, relieved that it was I who had ventured upon this nasty little gift and NOT my sweet, unsuspecting Grandparents.
So I flushed...
And I flushed...
And I flushed some more...
And that damn thing just wouldn't go down.
I think my teeth were now floating in my rising urine level so I decided to hover over the toilet because there was just nothing else to be done.
After the relief of an empty bladder my brain started to work and I searched under the sink for a plunger!
VOLA! There was a plunger to be had! Victory would be mine! This would be the home run flush for sure!
I flushed and then plunged.
I plunged and then flushed.
I plunged and flushed and plunged some more.
I cursed. Out loud this time.
I wiped the sweat off my brow.
And I got back to work... that damn TURD was taking that journey if it was the last thing I did!
And finally after a shitload of plunging and some fancy work with the flusher I got that damn TURD to GO DOWN!
I almost flung the plunger in the air in victory. But thankfully thought better of it.
I deposited the plunger back under the sink.
Scrubbed my hands vigorously.
Adjusted my rumpled shirt, dabbed the dripping sweat off my face and patted down my hair.
I took a few deep calming breaths and exited the bathroom.

Upon arriving back at the kitchen table I noticed that my NOT so lovely Mother was laughing and had a little gleam in her eye.
As I took my seat she said, "Kimberly, your Grandpa was starting to wonder where you were, he thought you might have lain down on the couch and had fallen asleep. So I went in there to check and when you weren't there I came back here to tell him that..."
And before that manner-less women could finish and against all rational thinking (I had just spent an inordinate amount of time in a bathroom flushing someone else poo... it's bound to cloud your better judgment!) I cut her off, "WELL EXCUSE ME but I was in the BATHROOM for the last 20 minutes because MY RUDE MOTHER had left a disgusting floater in the toilet. And SOMEBODY had to take care of it!"
And that's when the gleam in her eye really started to shine...
"Honey, that little floater was in the toilet upon on my arrival too."
"Well... err... you could have... um... you could have flushed it..."
I stammered... but it was too late... I had already just dissed my Grandpa's poo... and hence his manners.
I bowed my head in shame.
But then Grandpa spoke, "Yeah that there toilet's never worked from the day we moved in here..." And then he launched into a story about some other company... the women came out shamefully to get her husband's to help her flush her little diddy and then the husband launched into a crusade to try and fix the toilet once and for all... a grand act at trying to keep others from falling victim. But all to no avail.
And hence I had the lovely chance meeting with...
Hankey the Christmas Poo.
Or maybe Grandpa had another name for him... when something is floating in a bowl for that long you're BOUND to give it a name and start feeding it at some point!
OK I'll stop now!

Tuesday, August 12, 2008


Remember that post about the biking honeymoon story (I tried to insert a link here to the story but alas failed again!)... so... you know the one where we lost our valuable biking tool and Clayton had to ride around the whole island with a very forward tilting seat... cursing the happenstance that caused us to misplace this oh so important piece of cargo! Come on... I remembered our hydro packs and excuse me but I think H20 is slightly higher on the list than a little bit of a sore bottom!
Well we searched the Xterra high and low, after we completed our island biking excursion... when we got back to my parents place, we searched every nook and cranny there as well and then we decided to confirm that the tool was indeed missing in action with no hope of recovery.
So on our 1st Wedding Anniversary, after confessing to each other we both hadn't got the other a gift or even a card, Clayton stopped at Canadian Tire on our way home from camping and bought his little wifey a gift...

What a nice guy!
I went a whole year without my handy tool and let me tell you there were times it would have came in... yeah you guessed it ... handy!

There was that time my back brake wasn't gripping quick enough and all I needed was a simple little alan wrench that was one my hand little tool to tighten up the brake cable just a notch!

And then when I was in Tappen and some of the family went out to try the mountain bike trails my Dad had worked on and Aunty Dolores' bike peddle fell off and Dad had to hammer the nut back on with a screwdriver! Think how handy my little bike tool would have came in then!

Plus with all my other gear... hydro pack, bike gloves, helmet, pump... a cool bike tool would have just topped it all off!

So I have to say it was a pretty darn good gift. We opened it and checked out all it's gadgets on the way home from Lethbridge. Unfortunately, when we got home we had to set it aside and do the horrible job of unpacking. YUCK!

And then out of character and probably mainly because of the NEW BIKE TOOL we decided to put ALL the biking related stuff on a shelf in the basement. So I completely unpacked my hydro pack which I always take with me when biking by the way... biking gloves... head lamp... survival kit... a very old and crumpled map of trails in Medicine Hat... some Tylenol which I didn't even no was in there... and then in the little pocket, under all that crap, I reached way down and pull forth this...

Apparently NOT missing in action and actually along with me on EVERY biking excursion.

Monday, August 11, 2008

clayton has hacked into KB'S Blog... WOHAHAHA

After many feverish nights I have finally hacked into Kimberly's account. Since the Blog has taken over her life i have decided to end this nightmare to all. in short this will be the last posting from Kimberbucket...... Now she is all MINE!!!!!!!!!!!


Frogga is great

Happy Anniversary to ME!

Happy Anniversary to me!
Happy Anniversary to me!
Happy Anniversary dear Kimberly...

OH wait... oops...

Happy Anniversary to US!
Happy Anniversary to US!
Happy Anniversary dear Clayton and Kimberly...

Anyhow you get it! One year already!

And I apologize for my REALLY infrequent posting. I promise I'll try to be better! wink wink
Got back from a wonderful... crazy busy... two and a half weeks in BC and then went to work for two days and then off for a four day weekend camping in the Crowsnest Pass for OUR anniversary! (What a slacker hey!) We had a great time camping. BUT now I am back and somewhat settled into REAL life for a little while anyhow!
So expect a post within the next couple of days...

Oh BLOGGER how I missed you! ;)

Thursday, July 24, 2008

I'm in love...

So sorry Clayton...
But I just can't help myself...

Here see for yourself...

His name is Tex and he's almost 4... yeah a little bit of a cradle robber... but WOW it's true what they say... age doesn't matter... or is that size doesn't matter??? Whatever they say... they are right!
He is the calmest, nicest horse I've ever worked with.
And I've worked with 5 horses people!
Mom and Dad pretty much took him in when he kept getting out from the neighbours... poor starving little thing.
When I first got home I went out to say hello to my horseys and the three bastard asses took off... ahh that is the one who rides us... expect for Tex. He came right over for a nuzzle. So there I was petting the one horse I didn't even know!
So I decided to train him up while I'm home. And all I can say is... if all horses were this easy to train... and someone paid me to do it... I'd do that for a living!
Worked with him three times and then today got on and rode him around the ring. The little angel stood better as I was getting on then my damn brat of a horse Keo... and that was the FIRST TIME ANYONE HAD EVER GOT ON HIM!
Some people's horses!
Anyhow I'm ready to ride... Allisey get your butt to Tappen I need a riding buddy! :)
(Dani bring out your boys... would they like to ride?)

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Over the hills and far away...

So I just wanted to give my faithful readers a heads up... I am taking 2 weeks off work and going to BC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Yeah can you tell by the number of exclamation marks that I am excited?!!!
I mean who wouldn't be...
And with all the horses to be rode... mountains to be biked... hay to be delivered... water to be swam... mountain vistas to be camped... family and friends to be visited... rivers to be kayaked... trees to be climbed... grassy meadows to be napped in... I'm just not sure how much time I'll have left for blogging! (But I'll try to write... at least once or twice... wait isn't that my norm anyhow! If something funny happens... I'll make sure to share... there that's my promise... so here's to hoping something funny happens... )

So I'm going to leave you with this poem/quote I found...

It's more than the shoes, the racket or bike
It's more than your swing, the fish, or the hike
It's more than the skis, the skates, or the snow
It's ignoring the work and deciding to go.

-Kristen Sheldon

So true... more people need to do this! Yes all you Albertans... listen to the BC Hippie would ya!

Friday, July 11, 2008

Forgive me Father for I have sinned...

...Someone else’s pain gave me great pleasure!

In May I got a summer student! She brings with her a vast knowledge of computers that I will only ever fantasize about reaching. And she also brings the attitude of someone new and fresh... ready to take on anything with genuine enthusiasm.
One of her main duties is organizing the Summer Fun program; activities for youth aged 10-14. And she has gone to great measures to recruit kids… even as far as phoning parents, of the kids that most sensible adults would NOT try to recruit but rather openly DISCOURAGE to sign them up. Thinking of her sanity... I mentioned this fact to her and she was all... oh I can handle it... they're not that bad... I don't take no crap, they'll listen to me!
Alrighty then!
So a few days ago she had her first activity... water games at the park!
The kids that were using the Youth Centre before hand were pretty hyper... so I was more then a little interested to see how the games went.
As soon as she walked through the door I could pretty much sum it up...
She was drenched from head to toe, bits of grass stuck in her ponytail and looking more than a bit frazzled and utterly exhausted.
With a devilish smile on my face I asked, "So how did it go?"
Her reply, "The only way to describe it is... A HELLISH ORDEAL!"
"Oh no!" I said in mock concern.
"Today is the first day I genuinely hated my job! Kids were screaming... kids were crying... kids were throwing temper tantrums... If I hear: that's not fairrrrrrrrr, ONE MORE TIME I think I might have to strangle someone!"

Sure I did feel for her... but I'm not going to lie to you here... I may have secretly wished for just a tiny weeny bit of... can I call it retribution... or maybe personal satisfaction!

Tuesday, July 8, 2008


When I moved out to the PRAIRIES with my sister, Corrine, for work, I was a little unsure of how I would get along...
I came from here...

And I really enjoyed my outdoor activities... and water... I could spend all day swimming or doing some sort of water sport...

And in the winter I enjoyed being out in the snow...

And even though everyone in BC warned me about the harsh winters of Alberta... I knew better... as I went to college in Lethbridge. And I can tell you Southern Alberta winters may at times be pretty darn cold but then a Chinook blows through and warms everything up... and there is never enough snow to be useful for outdoor fun!

So needless to say I was a little nervous... I mean who wouldn't be when you'd spent you whole childhood and early adulthood living in a log cabin and being able to look out any window and see something similar to this...

To set my fears even deeper, my first couple days in Bow Island were spent settling in; getting a post office box, changing to Alberta Health Care, etc.
And EVERYWHERE I went they'd say, "Welcome to Bow Island. How are you settling in? Where did you move from?"
And as soon as I'd say, from BC... Tappen, it's in the Shuswap... their face would scrunch up in disgust and they'd say, "Why on earth did you move here??? The Shuswap is SO gorgeous"
Yeah there's no need to tell me...

So I comforted myself with the knowledge that I wouldn't live here long... this move was just temporary... just get some experience in your field of study... make some money and get the hell out!
And you prairie folk have to understand that when I first moved here this is all I saw...

And when people who'd lived out on the flat all their life said, "How can you live in mountains... it feels all closed in and you can't see anything!" I'd be all like, OK I'll give you that... you can SEE FAR... but what EXACTLY is it that YOU SEE?...

And then slowly... even after some of my family lovingly coined my new home ALBERIA... I began to see things in a different light...

And I went to hidden gems of the Prairie landscape and saw some unique and amazing things...

And some of the hidden treasures weren't even that far from my door step...

And then Clayton took me fishing here...

...and I actually caught fish! 15 fish between the 2 of us in 4 hours!!! Now that kind of fishing I can handle! Never experienced that in BC!

And out for a Sunday drive along on a gravel road you may just happen to come upon a lovely peaceful sight such as this...

So I like to share the beauty with my family when they come out for a visit...

And as we all know this move has turned into NOT SO temporary as I once imagined! So it is a good thing I can now realize the beauty of the prairie landscape!
And also a saving grace...
My decision to take up quilting... scrap booking... AND BLOGGING!!!

And the final point I would like to mention about the greatness of ALBERTA...
Albertans are damn friendly! And it rocks!
Side note: Last summer we were back in BC checking out Clayton's Dad's recent retirement home purchased on the Shuswap, near my parent's farm. My extended family was giving him the gears about how only rich Albertans can afford lake front or lake view property. Clayton didn't say too much in response until we took a drive with my parents to check out the house. A friendly couple walking in the newly developed subdivision gave us a big wave as we drove by.
And Clayton not missing a beat said, "Oh I see... you were right, those people are definitely from Alberta, they're friendly!"

So yeah... you friendly people rule!
And not only that... most of you have one hell of a sense of humour to boot...


Tuesday, July 1, 2008

Cause It Makes My Boyfriend's Junk Smell Like Pie...

I hate shopping for condoms. Not that I ever really do... that's a MAN'S JOB! Er... um... yeah... I just admitted that I shop for condoms... does that mean... I have SEX?! Ugh sorry Mom... not often... if that's any consolation. :) Hehehe. (FINALLY something on my blog that Clayton would more than willing agree with me on!)
Oh right I'm married now... sex is no longer a dirty word but a glorious reproductive act... ;)
Anyhow this time I was at Walmart (Yes you heard me right: WALMART... sorry Vanessa... wow this entry is turning into the tell all and then apologize about it post!) shopping for condoms... But they were for a prize for a game at the stagette I was attending. The condom prize was Clayton's idea and apparently a kinky variety pack would only suffice. So we found the kinkiest one there was... ribbed for her pleasure and blueberry to make your boyfriends junk smell like pie (Too funny THANKS JUNO!)... and headed to the till.
On the way there we ran into one of the girls who was also attending the stagette.
And I tried nonchalantly to tilt the condom package out of plain view, as we were chatting. After she left Clayton practically followed her to the till... and I had to hiss "Hello? Clayton? Could we PLEASE go to a different till... I AM buying CONDOMS here, IF you hadn't noticed!"
Then of course the other till had a way longer line and Clayton gave me the is this really necessary look.

So I arrived at the stagette with my prize all beautified up and disguised in a pretty blue gift bag! Eventually we got drunk enough to play That Guy Game. I had made up cards with pictures and labels for different stereotypical guys... Married But Not Tonight Guy, I'm All That Guy, Beer Belly Guy, Too Old To Be Here Guy, etc. And everyone got a few cards and the first person to find all their guys was the winner.
It didn't take long for a winner to be declared!
So I retrieved the prize, wrapped in the cute little blue bag and gave it to the winner.
She opened it to reveal the kinky condom variety pack... and everyone laughed.
Immediately from the end of the table there was a loud, "OOOOOOHHHH! That's why you were buying CONDOMS at WALMART! I was wondering..."
Then she leaned over and said...
"I noticed right away that you had a package of condoms in your hand... and I was all like DON'T FOCUS ON HER HAND! DON'T LOOK AT HER HAND! EYE CONTACT... MAINTAIN EYE CONTACT!
See Clayton...
And Kimberly makes the CORRECT decision AGAIN!

Moral of the story:
It's a MAN'S DUTY to LISTEN to his WIFE! :)

Friday, June 27, 2008

It IS a WIFE'S DUTY you know!

SO last night we had quite a wind storm come through town. I was at work and all the kids were plastered to the windows watching the dirt, gravel and odd garbage item whip down the street.

SHORTLY after the wind died down, a friend, who use to be a cop in town, popped his head in the office door and said, "Oh good you're fine... just making sure you weren't STUCK in the bathroom again!" (I had told him the bathroom story... yes the one that I posted on here... and he would randomly stop by, in uniform, after that and check that I wasn't stuck in the bathroom! Now that just goes above and beyond his call of duty!!!)
So he was back in town for a golf tournament and just stopped by to say hi... or to see that I wasn't locked in the biffy! What a nice guy!

AND shortly after that, Clayton phoned...
Clayton: "Hi"
Me: "Hi! Hey guess what? Chad just stopped by... (And I perceeded to tell him what was said... most likey in great detail as I usually do.)
Clayton: "Oh good... so yeah we were out on the lake when that wind storm came up... Oh my god it was crazy... there were like 5 foot swells and we almost tipped the boat! But thankfully we made it to shore... and then we had to walk the boat back to the launch site. It was pretty crazy and I am drenched!"
Me: "Oh wow... well that's exciting!"

SO it was quite late when Clayton finally arrived home. (After trying to make it back from the lake to go on a fire call... he could see the flames from the building burning in Foremost and he was only 10km south of Bow Island... now I know it is FLAT here but that is a pretty damn BIG fire to see from 40km away!!!) So I was in bed already but not asleep.

Clayton comes into the room...
Clayton: "Are you sleeping?"
Me: "No."
Clayton: "Glad to see you're so concerned."
Me: "huh?"
Clayton: "Well... when Morgan phoned his parents, they were all like Oh thank god you made it off the lake, we were so worried about you guys. And when Ryan phoned home they were like, We are so glad you guys made it off the lake in one piece. And then I phone home and you're like Oh my god... Guess what? CHAD STOPPED BY!"
Me: "Oh... I guess that does seem pretty bad... oops." And then I laughed so hard I cried.
Clayton: "Just like when there's a house fire call in the middle of the night and other wifes are up worrying... And YOU just roll over and go back to sleep!"
Me: After some more uncontrollable laughing. "I'm SO sorry honey."

He does make a good point... I'm just not surely EXACTLY what it means about our relationship?
Worrying MUST be a WIFE's duty or something... :)

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

What's that?

Yes we did go jet boating last weekend! And had a blast! Although thankfully there were a couple funny... er odd might be a better description... things that happened. Otherwise it just wouldn't have been worthwhile to write about on here... who wants to hear about pleasant, perfectly planned occurrences... right?

So we won this overnight package through a contest on the Internet! Yeah I know some of those things are actually real!!! And we invited Scott and Christine and were all pumped about a day out on the river... relaxing in a boat... beer (or whiskey) in hand! Of course, being that boys will be boys and like to do everything over the top... What? Stop drinking once I'm slurring my words and stumbling around? Why on earth would I ever do that... GO BIG OR GO HOME I say!... we had a cooler for the beer, a cooler for the ice, a 40 of rye, mix... needless to say we were set... set for a party!

We arrived at Sobeyes early and were doing some last minute snack grabbing when we spotted a group of elderly people standing in the spot where we were suppose to meet. A little in shock and still in denial we just stood and stared and then broke out into gut wrenching laughter.
BECAUSE IT WAS JUST THAT RIDICULOUS... here we were packed to the hilt with a variety of booze, you want beer... we got it! How about the hard stuff... here have a glass! Oh so you're feeling a little more like something sweet and fruity... well you've come to the right place my friend, we can hook you up! And there standing in the exact spot where we were suppose to meet was a group from the Golden Age Manor... AND I AM NOT EXAGGERATING HERE!
(And I would have been able to post a picture at this exact spot in my post... but Clayton was all like... "What? you want to take a picture of these people... you don't really know... and then post it on your blog... without their permission... and commence with the cute, old and funny looking comments about them? Really HOW CREEPY are you?!" And out of character I actually let what he said seep into my brain and I said to myself, out loud of course... "He is right you know Kimberly... this thing... this odd, creepy thing you are about to do... IT'S NOT WISE!!!" Hence no awesome picture to truly let you see the hilariousness of the situation.)
So I guess I'll just have to describe them...
There was a cute little couple in bucket hats with pants up to their chins, who could almost have passed as cartoon characters (who we found out later were 81 and 73). And then there was the little white haired lady who had taken the arm of the tour leader so she could hobble her way to the bathroom, saying every second sentence of the trip, "What's that? Speak up laddy... I forgot my hearing aid you know." (Who we found out later was 89!!!)
After the laughter died down, Clayton turned to me and whispered, "I thought you said we were allowed to bring alcohol?"

Then to add to the awkwardness of the situation we were handed large brown paper bags with our names on them and were instructed to follow the tour lady around the store and pick out our lunch.
"Now you can pick ONE sandwich from this section... a drink from this shelf... one piece of fruit... and EVEN a donut or muffin for dessert. Yes put it all into the BAG with YOUR name on it."
So there we were the handicapped looking group, following our leader around the store... both hands on our large paper bags with our names on them, shuffling our feet to stay in line and corners of our mouths twitching to try and keep from breaking out in laughter!
Oh what a sight we must have been!

The trip on the river was awesome... beautiful weather and we even got to jump in if we wanted. Then had a home cooked meal and spent the night in a 1903 ranch house. A hardy breakfast the next morning and then off to Empress to check out the local artisans.
And the best part... if you weren't paying attention, and caught the tail end of something that sounded interesting and you'd wished you'd been listening, you would no doubt have a chance to hear it again... thanks to the little 89 year old lady...
"What's that? Speak up... I forgot my hearing aid you know."

Monday, June 23, 2008

Lil' Rusty's picture debut!

Well Lil' Rusty has been the inspiration for a few stories on here and so I thought it was about time to give Lil' the validation he deserves. So I went out and took a few pictures... just to show you how rusty Lil' Rusty really has become...

The only problem was HE DIDN'T LOOK THAT RUSTY!!! And the duct tape was looking damn fine! Like can you even tell there is duct tape on there? Wow! Really... Lil' still has it. I might even go as far as saying... Lil' you're one sexy thang!

See not bad for an '88! I just might have to enter you in the parade this year...

So I thought I try a different angle... cause I was really wanting to show of the rust detail...

So yeah a little rust on the tailgate... but what happened to all the rust??? Oh right... it must have been that amazing duct tape body work job...

It almost like a Where's Waldo? page...
Can you even spot the duct tape?!!!

Friday, June 20, 2008

The little elevator that couldn't!

Last weekend... after the wondrous 6 hour car ride up to Edmonton... we FINALLY made it to the city. And we quickly came to the realization as to how hick some of us really were. (Yes I am talking about the youth here.)

"OH MY GOD look at those buildings... they are so tall!"
"And look over there, those two match... they're like the re-birth of the twin towers."
"How come all the houses are the same?"
"How come there are yellow cabs... we are NOT in New York?!"
"The Jean Warehouse? OH MY GOD they have a store JUST FOR JEANS!!!"

And then when we got to the hotel and found out we were on the 9th floor a couple gasps rumbled through our crew.
"The 9th floor? Does that mean I have to take an elevator? I don't trust elevators."
Well little laddie I guess you had better get hiking up those 9 flights of stairs then...
So he did and dragged a couple of the girls with him.
And he took the stairs every time... apparently he REALLY DIDN'T TRUST ELEVATORS!

After the opening ceremonies we were headed back to our hotel at about 10:30pm.
And once again the elevatoraphobic youth took the stairs and this time all the other youth went with him.
"Crazy that he's scared of elevators."
"Well at least he's getting them all some good exercise."
"Yeah hopefully they'll sleep well tonight."
"I can feel his fear though... I don't really like small spaces."
"Ah it's only for a short time."
Were some of the comments from us adult mentors as we boarded the elevator to get a lift to the 9th floor.
One of our co-workers was going to catch the next elevator because she didn't think there was room. But we all squeezed together and made room for her to cram in. Just some Southern Alberta charm shinning through!

The elevator gave a little lurch and started it's ascent. One lady got off on the 3rd floor and the doors closed and we were off again. The 4th floor came and went. Wait nope it was still reading 4th floor! And the doors aren't opening. And at this point we discovered that we really did have a claustrophobic elevator rider with us...
"What's going on? The doors aren't opening... why aren't the doors opening? Oh my god! Oh my god!" came these high pitched tones out of her throat as she was clawing at the doors with her beautifully manicured nails.
A couple people took on the task of trying to reassure her as others were pressing the alarm and trying to get through to the front desk on the elevator phone.

As all this was happening I was quietly envisioning myself opening the escape hatch in the ceiling of the elevator, athletically springing through it into the elevator shaft, pulling my gleaming toned body up the cable.. the only thing keeping us from plummeting to our deaths, reaching the top as the cable threads started to snap, sprinting down the many flights of stairs to the floor where the elevator was stuck... of course grabbing a handily placed crowbar on my way down and prying open the doors and helping everyone out and to safety just before the cable snapped completely and the elevator plummets to it's ultimate doom!
Headlines would read:
Small town WONDER WOMEN saves 7 people from plummeting to their deaths in recent elevator incident!

Sadly... or some might say NOT so sadly, all that happened was a lot of sweating in the elevator turned sauna. And of course the 45 minutes of waiting, squished like sardines in a tin can.
Near the end of the ordeal there was some knocking and then kids shouting, "Is that you guys? Are you in there? Are you actually stuck in the elevator? No way. See I told you... I DON'T TRUST THOSE THINGS!"
The elevator repairman finally arrived... walked to the 11th floor and pressed the reset button... which caused the elevator to gently descend to the lobby.
No thrilling climax!
No dangerous rescue!
No WONDER WOMEN saves the day!
But oh yeah we were all safe and sound and had a story to tell blah blah blah... some story!
Although we did get our rooms complimentary for the night... rooms we personally weren't paying for in the first place.
Oh well.
Next time I'll get on opening the escape hatch quicker... I'll just boost myself up by stepping on that claustrophobic women in the corner, frantically trying to dig her way out.
It's called TEAM WORK people!
It always takes a little team work for someone to get ahead!